How Will You Get Traction in Your Business?

Last year, I came up with a little saying, “You’ve got to get traction to take action.”  It was catchy and pithy enough to become a bit of a mantra that helped me stay motivated and focused when I needed it.  In the meantime, we had been working on expanding and refining our Victory Circles programs.  As we started to discuss the roll-out of our 2012 programs, Cheri Ruskus, founder of the Victory Circles, came up with another membership level that’s focused on getting your business plan written.  Guess what she called it?  Traction!

Victory Circles is already an auto racing metaphor.  We wave the checkered flag for accomplishments and have an Acceleration coaching program.  Running a business is a race that you can win.

But that’s not all.  Traction is an acronym to highlight some of the important elements of business planning that our program offers.

So when you’re looking to get Traction in your business, keep these things in mind:

T – Time – You need to put aside the time to work on your business, including business planning.  We business owners have a lot on our plates, so it’s imperative that we schedule time, preferably on a weekly basis, to work on our businesses.

R – Recognize the important requirement to write the business plan yourself – the act of writing the plan can make the biggest difference.  Work on writing skills to communicate the mission and passion of your business.

A-     Alignment  - Make sure your plan is aligned with your goals, values, objectives and strengths.  You’ll be much more engaged in the process and more likely to stick with it.

C – Courage, hope and belief.  Mindset is a huge component of success.  Come to your plan with the courage to be self-employed, the optimism to embrace a positive vision of the future, and a belief that you can do it!

T – Three master mind principles are essential in your success.  1 – Definite Chief Aim – Know the purpose and mission of your business; – 2 – Accurate Thinking – Think things through in a systematic way, and take time out of your business to plan. 3-  Self-Confidence – You need to have the confidence to implement your plan.

 I – Intention, input and implementation.  Be clear on your intentions .  Make sure they are viable, quantifiable results you’re intent on achieving.  Get input from others – you can’t do it alone!  And figure out an implementation plan for how are you going to make it happen.

O – On track – This is where your plan will keep you.

N – Now is the time!  Stop waiting to get this done.  Start now.

Gloria M. Miele, Ph.D. is a Business Development and Leadership Coach and Victory Circles facilitator in Southern California.  She is passionate about helping others discover and develop their strengths to achieve greater business success.  Visit her website at www.optimaldevelopmentcoaching.com and sign up to receive a free Business Plan Template.

Put Your 2011 Top 10 to Good Use

It’s the last day of 2011, and I’ve been enjoying reading a number of Top 10 lists for the year.  I thought I’d put my own together but use it as a guide post to the intentions I have in 2012.

No matter how you look back on the previous year, I highly recommend focusing on those things that went well and using them to guide, inspire and motivate you as you reflect on your goals and wishes for the year ahead.

So, in that spirit, I’ve compiled my top 10 for 2011 (in chronological order) and related intentions for 2012:

1.  Keys to Your Future – Girl Scout Leadership Conference.  As a member of the planning team and then the MC for the event, I thoroughly enjoyed being part of a program that exposed girls to concepts about their own strengths and the strengths and talents of other women who are outstanding career and life role models.  Between the many speakers, self-care activities, practical tips and expanding relationships, the two-day event was a winner.

Intention for 2012:  Continue to play a role mentoring and inspiring girls and young women through the Girl Scout program; coordinate and conduct more retreats and conferences.

2.  Teenage Daughter Milestones.  Our daughter Natalie turned 14, went to Washington DC with her 8th grade class, got a prime scholarship to a summer vocal institute, started high school and is LOVING it, and earned her Girl Scout Silver Award, the highest honor for her level of scouting.  So proud of the bright, talented, caring young woman she is becoming.

Intention for 2012.  Keep supporting her and nurturing her independence (man, that part can be hard) as she continues to grow and flourish.

3.  Meet and Greet with Cheri Ruskus.  I was delighted to welcome my friend, colleague and mentor Cheri Ruskus, founder of the  Victory Circles, to California this summer. Since we have the only VC group in the state, I was very excited to introduce VC members and others in my network to Cheri while she was visiting from Colorado.  See blog post below for pictures and all the details!

Intention for 2012.  Continue growing the VC program locally and virtually. Write more blog posts (geez).

4.  Family Vacation!  In August, 16 of us, aged 14-83, converged in Lake Tahoe for a rare but very fun multi-family vacation.  My mother, four of her first cousins, spouses and kids, my aunt, two of my first cousins, my husband and daughter enjoyed beautiful Lake Tahoe for the better part of a week.

Intention for 2012.  Stay connected with family all over the country. Travel to beautiful places whenever possible.

5.  Instructor, Women’s Economic Ventures.  When I saw that WEV was looking for instructors, I didn’t hesitate to apply.  Already teaching business planning to women entrepreneurs in Victory Circles, I was excited to align myself with such a great organization.  After a rigorous interviewing and vetting process, I was offered the position and really enjoyed teaching the 14-week class, helping some really inspiring and inspired people get their business plans in order.

Intention for 2012:  I was asked back to teach the Spring course (yay!), so I get to continue teaching, which I love, and helping people get their businesses off the ground (also very gratifying).

6.  NYC High Line.  Every trip I take to NYC is special, because I get to spend time in my favorite city with some of my favorite people:  family and friends who are far away but close at heart.  This year, after a trip a month earlier was cancelled by a hurricane, I made it back to see my cousins and take a walk on the High Line, a beautiful urban outdoor space (hey, I did write another blog post in the past 6 months!).

Intention for 2012.  Make it back to New York at least once.  Make the time and effort to stay close with those who are important to me.

7.  Ventura AIDS Walk.  This year I was appointed to the Advisory Council of Ventura County AIDS Partnership, an organization I’ve volunteered with for the past few years.  I also participated in my first AIDS Walk, which was a very uplifting event that brought hundreds of diverse people together.  We raised nearly $20,000 – not bad for the first time VCAP ran such a large event.

Intention for 2012.  Continue to volunteer for VCAP and raise awareness to prevent HIV and AIDS.

8.  Paper Published.  The first paper from a research project I’ve been involved in for nearly 3 years was published in an academic journal.  It’s always nice to see that work come to fruition.  A number of talks and posters have already been accepted for 2012 conferences.

Intention for 2012.  Continue working with colleagues to publish and present more papers in 2012, including one I’m leading on the use of new media tools in clinical research.

9.  TEDxOjaiWomen Speaker - What I Learned from Being a Girl Scout.  When Jodi Womack announced that she and Darina Stoyanova were organizing a TEDxOjaiWomen, I immediately emailed her to see if she needed any additional speakers.  As a woman who strongly encourages you to ask for what you want, Jodi responded in kind and said she could carve out 5-7 minutes.  ”I’ll take it!”  What a phenomenal opportunity and an inspiring event in the context of dozens of amazing talks and topics (also see www.TEDxWomen.org for the full program).

Intention for 2012.  One public speaking engagement per month; continue working on my public speaking skills; ask for what I want; book another TED talk!

10.  Business Growing.  2011 was the best year yet for Optimal Development Coaching – more clients,  more followers, more trainings, more consulting opportunities, more earnings.

Intention 2012.  Increase 2011 earnings by 50% (I know, it’s audacious, but I’ve got a plan, and I can make it happen).   If you’d like, you can keep track of what’s going on by visiting my web site or connecting with my on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn or Google+.

What a year!  Now it’s your turn.  What are some of your top accomplishments and how can you leverage and build on them to reach your goals in 2012?  I’d love to hear from you.

Wishing you a happy, healthy, prosperous 2012 full of joy and meaning.

All my best, Gloria

Meet Cheri Ruskus, Founder of The Victory Circles!

Right before I went on vacation in August, I had the honor of having my friend, colleague and mentor, Colorado business coach and author Cheri Ruskus, visit us in California.  We hosted a lovely meet and greet event at the Camarillo Chamber of Commerce so that Victory Circles members, current and past, as well as those interested in learning more, could meet the woman behind the program.  Enjoy the photos below.

Showing off this beautiful, handmade purse by VC member Mary Gillette from Sewbella Memory Quilts and More.

Victory ladies!

Cheri reads from her new book, Victory: One Moment at a Time.

People enjoyed an evening of laughter, connecting and learning!

Gloria M. Miele, Ph.D. is a Business Development and Leadership Coach and Victory Circles facilitator in Southern California.  She is passionate about helping others discover and develop their strengths to achieve greater business success.  Visit her website at www.optimaldevelopmentcoaching.com and sign up to receive a free tool to optimize your strengths.

Worldwide Linchpin MeetUp Day!

Did you even know there was such a thing?  Well, Seth Godin started the Linchpin Meetups about a  year ago, encouraging those who read the book Linchpin and consider themselves indispensable leaders to meet with like-minded folks and make things happen.  There’s over 1100 worldwide.  I’ve met some remarkable artists, activists and all around nice people at the meetup in Ventura, launched by Linchpins Donna Von Hoesslin and David Pu’u.

In honor of today’s festivities, I’m re-posting an article I wrote a few months back that was inspired by Seth’s writing on fear and the lizard brain.  Enjoy!

Are You Undermining Your Success? 

Taming the Lizard Brain

By Gloria Miele, Optimal Development Coaching

Have you ever thought, “I need to get out of my own way,” or “I’m my own worst enemy?”  Those kinds of thoughts are a sign that you’re having issues with self-confidence, and your fears are working against you.  In his book, The Laws of Success, Napoleon Hill outlined the six fears that can undermine self-confidence:  Poverty, Criticism, Old Age, Ill Health, Loss of Love and Death.  Which ones resonate most to you?

More recently, marketing genius Seth Godin published his latest book, Linchpin (if you don’t know Seth Godin’s work, you can get a great sample from his daily blog at http://www.sethgodin.typepad.com).  Seth argues that in today’s world, we need to be indispensable, creative artists who work from the heart – to be Linchpins.  Does this sound familiar?  Successful entrepreneurs are linchpins.  You succeed by being bold, bucking the trends, doing something unique and letting your genius emerge to set you apart in the crowded marketplace.

Seth also talks about the fears that get in the way of being the linchpin.  Certain types of thinking can hold you back from taking a risk and putting yourself on the line.  This thinking is rooted in fear and uncertainty and comes from what Seth calls “the lizard brain.”  The lizard brain is the oldest, most primitive part of the brain, driven by survival and fear.   The lizard brain wants you to be safe, not call much attention to yourself and hide from the crowd.

The lizard brain contributes to the undermining thoughts that stop you in your tracks.  They challenge you, doubt you, and question your abilities.  We all have them, and often we don’t even realized they are there – “Who do you think you are?”  “What will people think?”  “Can I really pull this off?”  “What if I embarrass myself?”  “What if I fail?”

All these questions can hold you up, make you pause, keep you from pursuing your dream.  But remember, those messages in your head are just that – in your head.  These are irrational thoughts not based in reality but generated from the lizard brain that wants you to stay safe, warm and well fed under a rock.

If you’re working from your self-confidence, you keep the lizard brain at bay.  You’ll put yourself out there, take a risk, and act in a self-assured way.  Here are a few ways to fuel your self-confidence:

1.     Use Your Strengths. If you know me at all, you know I’m a strengths zealot.  I love working with people, especially entrepreneurs, to help them identify and leverage their strengths.  Think about it – if you’re playing to your strengths and pursuing your passion, you are coming from a place of confidence, assurance and expertise.  You automatically minimize some of the fear, because you’re in your comfort zone.  It’s a great way to give yourself a self-confidence boost.

2.    Practice. Fear is fueled by the unknown.  If you’re not sure about how things are going to go, you can feel anxious and uncomfortable.  The more you practice, the better you’ll be.  Some people are terrified of public speaking, which in turn causes them to avoid it, and they never are able to practice this skill.  Even a 30-second introduction can send them into a tail spin.  By writing out your introduction and practicing in advance, you’ll be much more prepared.  The more you do it, the more confident you’ll become.

3.     Just do it.  Aside from being one of the most successful and recognizable slogans in advertising history, this directive from Nike’s ad agency applies far beyond reaching your fitness goals.  Sometimes you just need to take the plunge.  Avoid the quest for perfection – it’s unattainable and will stop you from moving forward.  Be good enough.  Let yourself feel your success.  That is what builds your self-confidence.  Here’s a great example where the wish for perfection can stop your progress – video marketing.  If you’re waiting for that “perfect” take, you may never get your video program started.  “I sounded funny.”  “My hair doesn’t look good.”  “Do I really have that many wrinkles around my eyes?”  Do a few takes and upload that video.  We’d all love to see it!

4.    Tame your lizard brain.  By now, you’ve got a good idea of some of the thoughts and motives that hold you back.  It’s important to be aware of the fear but don’t act on it.  Recognize the fear (“Oh, yeah, I’m procrastinating writing this article because I’m caught up in the perfection game.”) but then move beyond it.  No one will be as critical as you are.  Give yourself a break.  Let it go.  Do something big and exciting

Put the lizard in its place.  Start with what you do best and move forward from there.  Post that video. Write that blog post.  Make that sales call.  Be a linchpin!  The more you do, the more confident you’ll become.

Gloria M. Miele, Ph.D. is a Business Development and Leadership Coach and Victory Circles facilitator in Southern California.  She is passionate about helping others discover and develop their strengths to achieve greater business success.  Sign up for her newsletter at www.optimaldevelopmentcoaching.com to receive a free tool to optimize your strengths.

An Italian Celebrates St. Patrick’s Day

What is a 100% Italian-American doing celebrating St. Patrick’s Day?  I grew up knowing that on March 17th, corned beef and cabbage was on the menu in my house.  Unlike the other dishes she made, mom made this one in traditional Irish style, with boiled potatoes and carrots as accompaniments (aside from soup, it was the only boiled dinner we ever had).  

I was raised Roman Catholic, so there’s one St. Patrick’s association (did you know many parishes give dispensation to eat corned beef and cabbage when March 17th falls on a Friday in Lent, when abstinence from eating meat is the typical rule?).  I also attended  a fine Jesuit university, Loyola Marymount, where the St. Patty’s revelry started VERY early in the morning and continued throughout the day.  I lived in the Bronx for a few years, not in, but very near, an Irish neighborhood, and of course lived through the many St. Patrick’s Day celebrations in New York City.

But the big reason St. Patrick’s Day holds a special place in my heart is because of my dad – Patrick Joseph Miele.  Not Pasquale or Patrizio, but Patrick.  So, the question remains, how did a first generation Italian, born in 1917, who grew up in an Italian ghetto in the Bronx, end up with the name, Patrick?  As the story goes, my grandfather, Giuseppe Miele, worked for a very kind, Irish boss named Patrick Sullivan.  When my father was born, my grandparents gave the boss a great honor by naming their first-born son after him.  Patrick must have been a really special guy, because Italian custom dictates that the first-born son should be named after the paternal grandfather.  Just so happens great-grandpa was Pasquale, so that ended up working out for everyone.

So, today I celebrate St. Patrick’s Day not for the love of corned beef and cabbage (though I am bringing some to a pot luck) but for the love and memory of my dear dad, Patrick, who I’m sure is speaking in his best Irish brogue and doing a little jig up in heaven.

Leaping into 2011

Port Hueneme Beach with Channel Islands in the distance

Happy New Year!  For the second year in a row, our family has visited the beach on New Year’s Day.  We take a walk on the sand, appreciate the beauty around us on a 65-70 degree day in Southern California and ponder how fortunate we are and the possibilities that lie ahead as we start a new year in such a gorgeous place.

This year, I found two perfect sand dollars on the beach.  Since I was a child, I’ve always been delighted to find these rarities, especially when they are fully intact, as these were.  I interpreted this as a sure indicator of prosperity in 2011.

New Year's Sand Dollars

While signs and omens like that really get me going, I started thinking beyond the symbolic.  I am feeling optimistic about 2011, and it’s not because of sand dollars (not totally, anyway).   It’s really because of the work I’ve been doing to prepare for the year ahead. 

Toward the end of 2010, I took Laurie Taylor’s Destination Greatness program, which really got me focused on my budget, cash flow management, revenue groups and overall profit plan for my business.  It’s already made a difference in my bottom line.  I’ll meet Laurie in Colorado at the end of the month to be trained as a Destination Greatness facilitator and profitability coach through the Victory Circles program, so I can help others become more profitable in their businesses as well. 

Also, I was a speaker and a participant in the Victory Telesummit – Resource 2010 at the beginning of December.   The other speakers contributed so much with each valuable teleseminar, as well as the resource guide that I’ve been using as a planning tool for 2011.  I’m specifically focusing on sales, marketing and profitability, areas where I need to put a little more effort to make my business even more successful.  The resource guide and recordings are still available for purchase – could be a great way to make an early 2011 investment in your business development.   

Finally, as part of the plan, I decided to launch a new Victory Circle – this one by phone and for men and women entrepreneurs who want to build their businesses.  The launch will be on 1-11-11 – an auspicious day to start a new project.  I’m excited to bring the mastermind process to others in a convenient, interactive monthly teleseminar.  You can get more info here or register here. 

What are you doing to leap into 2011?  Would love to hear from you. 

Our daughter, leaping into the New Year!

 

 

 

 

 

Gloria M. Miele, Ph.D. is a business development and leadership coach, author, speaker and trainer who uses a strengths-based approach to help individuals, groups and organizations achieve their goals and realize their greatest success.  She also facilitates Victory Circles, mastermind groups for entrepreneurs.  To learn more and receive a free tool to optimize your strengths, visit her website and sign up for the newsletter at  www.optimaldevelopmentcoaching.com.

Cooperation at Work

For those who know me, you know I’m an extrovert (my Meyers-Briggs profile starts with an unambiguous E).  I love being with other people, I’m highly social and get energized by the company and input of others.  In the last 7 years or so, I’ve been working out of my comfort zone, telecommuting and working solo quite a bit.  While I’ve made adjustments and accomodations, it often takes more effort and is not my preferred working style.

So, this month’s Victory Circle Master Mind principle of Cooperation is near and dear to my heart.  I love working in teams, figuring out how everyone can work at his or her best and getting things done.  Being part of the Victory Circles is one way that I’ve met my needs for affiliation.  My Victory Circle is a wonderful, cooperative group of like-minded women who  meet monthly.  I also work closely with Cheri Ruskus, founder of the Victory Circles, and others who are also facilitators or collaborators.  It’s a real joy to be part of that cooperative team. 

But this morning, in the pre-dawn hours, I had a fantastic collaborative experience I must share.  I received a reminder this week about a 2-hour webinar that I am to develop and conduct for 50-60 people in the first week of November.  I knew it was approaching quickly (it’s been on the calendar since the spring) but felt confident that I had the materials at my disposal to put it together in short order.  Truthfully, a part of me was hoping it might get rescheduled or fall under the radar, but, I knew that would not really happen.  I was beginning to get a little concerned but wasn’t ready to devote the time to the project.

I’ve done a few of these webinars and work with Liz Buttrey, Training Coordinator at the EMMES Corporation in Rockville, MD.  We’ve been working together on various training projects for over five years, and she is helpful, skilled and fun.  With her reminder about the webinar, she also sent me a template she prepared for the slides with the outline already embedded. 

Well, that was just the kick-start I needed to get going.   I set about adding relevant slides to the outline and sent the updated presentation to her so we could review it this morning.  In 90 minutes working together, I went from  having no slides and good intentions yesterday afternoon to having 35 slides and a presentation that was about 80% complete by 8:30 this morning.  Thank you, Liz, for being a great cooperative partner!

For one reason or another, many of us hesitate to ask for help or reach out to our team.  Entrepreneurs, especially women entrepreneurs, can fall into a “I can do it all” frame of mind and may not have the supports they need to be most effective.  As you go about the tasks at hand, think about who your cooperative partners are and how to reach out to them.  Even if you’re not an extrovert like I am, you can achieve great things with the right team.

Busy Month!

First, I want to acknowledge that October is Breast Cancer awareness month.  I don’t know anyone who has not been impacted by this disease.  Last year, we lost our cousin, only in her 40′s.  And there have been many others.  Do your self-exams and support the cause where you can. 

As October goes screeching by (can’t believe it’s almost the middle of  the month), I’ve already gotten a lot accomplished in addition to my regular daily routine. I volunteered for a half-day at Relay for Life; attended my 30-year high school reunion; designed and ordered new business cards; went to the fantastic Ladies Luncheon networking event; took a trip to Disneyland; had dinner with my college roommate; organized and hosted a Girl Scout ceremony; and have been working with seven 8th grade girls preparing them to present at a Women’s History fundraiser that takes place tonight.  No wonder I have to keep reminding myself to breathe. 

So, breathe I do (and stretch and take time to recharge) while really focusing on the structure of my days so I can get as much as possible accomplished while still taking care of myself.  The daily challenges of balancing all we do.

But there’s more to come.  I’m almost finished preparing for tomorrow’s Victory Circle meeting.  This month’s topic is the power of Cooperation and Teamwork, which is a great theme for a group with a foundation in helping one and other.  We are creating our organizational charts and our business “Declaration of Independence.”  It’s these practical yet fun and creative tasks that can really get our businesses moving forward.

I’m also getting ready for Thursday’s VCPWN Mixer and Business Expo.  I’ll have a display table, along with 35 or so other business owners.  A mere $5 gains admission, hors d’oeuvres, door prize drawings and a great evening networking with local business owners.  There’s an additional chance to win a 42′ flat screen TV as well.  Learn more at www.vcpwn.org.

Much more going on, but I’ll save it for another day.  What are some of the business-building (or other) highlights of your month?  Feel free to share them here.

Featured Networker: Jodi Womack of Women’s Business Social

Do you know Jodi Womack?  If you’re a woman business owner who lives in Ojai or other parts of Ventura County, you very well might.  But her reach goes far beyond the county.  Not only is she an international speaker on networking and business development, she has created a women’s networking group, The Women’s Business Social (WBS), that has grown quickly in the last 18 months.  I spoke to Jodi in August, when she and her husband and business partner, Jason Womack (www.womackcompany.com), were  spending the month in Lake Tahoe, catching up on writing, business planning and some R&R. 

I asked why she started WBS in February 2009.  “I kept hearing doom and gloom about the economy and decided to bring women together to help figure it out.”  The momentum has been powerful.  The first meeting was 13 women; the second 45.  And the numbers continue to grow, as word has traveled, especially through social media, with over 100 women in attendance each month from Ventura County and beyond.  “Women have a hunger and desire to come together.”  The Women’s Business Social Facebook page has nearly 1100 “likes,” so there are many women who are interested.

When I attended the WBS in May, I was delighted to meet such a diverse and friendly group at the lovely Lavender Inn in Ojai, the location of the next WBS on Wednesday, September 15.  Women are invited to display and share promotional materials while mingling and networking in a relaxed, low-key environment.  Aside from a few words of welcome, there are no awkward introductions or speeches – just a fun, comfortable couple of hours to connect.

Earlier this year Jodi applied to be a speaker at the Women’s International Networking conference in Paris.  Over 50 WBS devotees wrote recommendations and letters of support, touting the benefits of WBS.  Her proposal was accepted, and she’ll be speaking at W.I.N. next month.  She’ll be discussing the WBS model and the impact of face-to-face networking for women’s business development.  “Networking is a skill we can practice and master,” she said.  “We’re smarter together.  It’s important to share what we’re doing so we all get better.” 

If you follow Jodi on social media, you know she spends a lot of time in coffee shops and typically finds a favorite that she’ll frequent wherever she goes (when she’s home, you can find her most mornings at the Ojai Coffee Roasting Company).  “I love the connections that happen in coffee shops.  It’s a way to build relationships that’s informal and authentic – coming together family style.”

Jodi continues to create quite a community – family style – by reaching out not only through social media but also at these in person events.  She’s done a great job bringing women together to support each other and their businesses when we need it the most.  Stay in the loop about future socials and Jodi’s other activities at www.facebook.com/nomorenylons.  You can also learn more about other women’s networking events in Ventura County by checking the VC Women’s Networking Connection calendar.

Gloria M. Miele, Ph.D. (www.OptimalDevelopmentCoaching.com), is a business development and leadership coach, speaker and trainer who uses a strengths-based approach to help individuals, groups and organizations achieve their goals and realize their greatest success.  She also runs mastermind groups for women entrepreneurs in Ventura County.  You can sign up for business building tips and updates on Ventura County women’s networking events at her web site, or connect with her on Facebook www.facebook.com/optimaldevelopmentcoaching.

Memories of 9/11

 

 

 

The Twin Towers and Lady Liberty

On the 9th anniversary of the September 11th terrorist attacks, I reflect on memories of my experience that day and the days following.  As with all significant, out of the ordinary events, most of us have vivid memories of where we were and what we were doing.  Feel free to share yours below. 

 

I lived in NYC on September 11, 2001, but I wasn’t in the city that day.  Instead, my colleagues and I were at a national meeting in Crystal City, Maryland, across the highway from the Pentagon. We felt the hotel shake when the plane hit.  Soon after, we smelled smoke.  The building was locked down.  Like many others, we could do nothing but wait and watch the horrifying images on a big screen. 

While phone service was limited for the first few hours, I felt reasonably certain that my daughter was safe at her preschool in upper Manhattan, over 10 miles from Ground Zero.  I had hoped that my husband was still in the city, but, when I finally reached him, I learned he had crossed the bridge soon after the first tower was hit and was stuck in New Jersey.  He ended up driving over 100 miles out of the way and taking 4 hours for a typical 18 mile, 30 minute trip home.  He had to ditch the car in the Bronx and make his way by livery cab and foot back to Manhattan.  6 hours later, he picked up our daughter and made it home.   

Back in DC, the trains weren’t running; the airports were closed.  People at the meeting started talking about carpools to Ohio, Kentucky, Michigan and Florida.  I was able to leave the hotel that night and stayed with friends in DC, relieved for the comfort of good friends in familiar surroundings, away from the destruction and chaos that were so closeby.  Then I had to figure out how to get home. 

I was able to get a train back to NYC on September 12^th.  I’ll never forget the first glimpse of the two giant pillars of smoke rising from Ground Zero as the train made its way through New Jersey toward Manhattan.  The towers were gone.  The smoke and sky where the towers once stood were like a huge scar.  I will never forget these images and memories from those unfathomable days.

I’ll also never forget the changes that took place in the city after 9/11.  Everything was quieter, a startling change in a city of deafening overstimulation.  Planes weren’t flying over head , a very strange occurrence on an island with waterways that serve as giant flight paths for 3 major and multiple smaller airports in the area.  Only the occasional roar of fighter jets circling the city was heard, extremely unsettling after the air attacks. 

People were also quieter.  We all seemed to be whispering.  We were also making more eye contact than is usual for New Yorkers.  Sometimes the glances were suspicious, but mostly they were supportive and sympathetic, looking for a connection, an understanding smile, or a little reassurance.

The Friday after the towers fell, I was coming home from my office in the early evening (I was working as a psychologist at the time and spent many months processing the events of September 11th with my hospital clinic and private practice patients).  I would normally take a 30-minute subway ride, but I preferred to stay above ground for while and ended up taking mainly buses and cabs for almost 2 months after the attacks.  The bus ride home would take about an hour.  My only concern was that I’d miss the candlelight vigil scheduled for 7pm.  I was hoping to participate at the park in the close-knit neighborhood where I lived, but as the bus continued its stops, it became clear I wasn’t going to make it.  At a stop in West Harlem, around 138^th Street and Broadway, I saw people gathering in front of an apartment complex.  I jumped off the bus, ran across the street and joined the growing group.

A woman had a basket full of candles and was handing them out to the crowd.  Most people were speaking Spanish.  The woman with the basket started talking to me.  I told her I lived uptown but had seen the gathering from the bus and wanted to be with others for the vigil.  We shared our sadness for those who had perished and concern for the hundreds who were missing.  People started lighting each other’s candles.  The woman started the ceremony.   She spoke to the crowd, well over 100 people, in Spanish and English.  She turned and asked if I thought we should say a prayer.  “That sounds nice,” I said.  “What’s your name?”  she asked?  I told her, and she turned to the crowd and said, “Gloria has joined us and will lead us in a prayer.”  She turned back to me and asked, “Do you speak Spanish?”  “Uh, no…”, I replied.  “That’s ok, I’ll translate.” 

I wish I remember what I said.  At that time in my life, I wasn’t praying too regularly, so I was a bit out of practice and certainly taken aback.  I just started talking – I know I prayed for the victims and their families, peace and healing for us all.  As I spoke, the woman with the basket translated.  When I was finished, she made a few more comments, then invited others to offer intentions.  People prayed for friends, family, friends of friends, firefighters.  People held hands and cried.

After 10 or 15 minutes, a noticed a cab pulling up near the corner.  Cabs could be hard to come by at the time, so I slipped away, got in the car and continued toward home. 

I will never forget those moments on a street corner, part of a group of total strangers from diverse cultures, classes and backgrounds, sharing the grief, fear and concern that brought us together that night for a little comfort during such a stressful and frightening time.   I will never forget the feelings of hope, unity and peace that night; the feeling of connection to others;  a degree of pride and love for my country that I had never felt before; and the gratitude and sorrow for those who courageously lost their lives and for the thousands of innocent victims whose lives were changed forever.

All of our lives were changed forever on September 11th.  Today I pray for our continued healing.  And I pray for more peace, love and unity in the world that can also change our lives forever. 

 

Gloria M. Miele, Ph.D. is a business development and leadership coach, speaker and trainer who uses a strengths-based approach to help individuals, groups and organizations achieve their goals and realize their greatest success.  You can reach her through her web site  www.optimaldevelopmentcoaching.com.